God Gives Us the Desires of Our Heart

“But seek first the kingdom of God … and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33 ESV)


That is such a difficult verse to wrap your mind around. There are so many things we want. It’s like, what’s everything? Is everything a new car? A new house? What is everything? Define it. The world defines it as owning a lot, being successful, having power and influence, a new boat, a new car, a new house, and everything that is on edge and trendy—cute clothes and nice hair, right? That is how we define it in the Western world. Now, what truly is everything? Every man is searching to be loved, accepted, and known, right? Man just truly wants to be in community and to be used by God.
The next verse that comes to mind is: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4 ESV). As we seek first the kingdom of God, we are seeking Him, and He starts implanting in our hearts the seeds of good things He wants to give to us. That changes our desires. As our desires change, He brings them to full harvest and brings them to us.
The next thought I have is, “First comes the blade, then the stalk, and then the full kernel” (see Mark 4:26–29). The kingdom of God is like a farmer’s field. First, we plant the seed. The seed starts to grow. It grows into a blade. Eventually, it gets a stalk. It has nothing we can eat yet, but before you know it, it has a full harvest. It’s something that can sustain us and we can eat. We can use what we have at the time it becomes a full harvest.
I just can’t stop thinking about these verses because right now, at this very moment, my husband is teaching a subject he loves at a Christian Bible school. When he was in his early twenties, our firm came out with a tool to understand strategic risks. We were trained on it forever. Honestly, not many people truly had a good grasp on what it actually meant. They didn’t completely understand it. We could attempt to go through the motions but couldn’t fully reach the heart of it.
But not my husband. He got it. It clicked. It was like, oh, this is the way my brain is made and created and wired. So he began implementing it immediately. He was one of the best at it. He has taught it, he uses it, and he helps CEOs and presidents understand it better. It’s interesting how few board members, presidents of companies, and CEOs completely understand it, yet more and more every day, the government is requiring something like this strategic risk tool. A lot of companies make it into a compliance checklist because they don’t understand the awesome tool it is. They don’t know how to use it to their advantage.
But if you understand that God, above all things, wants you and your soul to prosper, then you can see this tool as a way for you to prosper even when the economy is not. My husband uses this with his clients. He faithfully prays over them. We have an entire prayer team and prayer ministry that prays for our city and his clients. We have seen his clients grow and double, thrive and not struggle, and do more than survive. It’s awesome. It’s been awesome to see companies go from being in debt to being in so much wealth, just turning around. They may not know what is behind it, but I can tell you that is the power of God. We believe God and His goodness in due time will reveal that He is the author of their success.
Ken Blanchard wrote a book a long time ago, and it was so successful that he paused and reflected and realized, “I’m not smart enough to do this. This is impossible.” The success of his book made him realize God was real and was for him and that He had gifted him for this and given him supernatural power and ability to accomplish what he had accomplished. He became a Christian through his success. We believe that for all of our clients.
But what I am really talking about here is so ridiculously crazy. My husband is a gentle, quiet warrior. He prays all the time. When he was at his old company, he found the only way he could keep from responding emotionally to things that failed or went wrong and repercussions from poor decisions was to pray. The only way he could truly remain stable was to pray all day. He never stopped praying. 

He walked out of a meeting one time, and he was super excited. “That was so awesome!” He was really celebrating a victory, and suddenly he realized, “Wait a minute. I can’t take credit for the victory if I am not going to take credit for the fall. I need to be stable in God. Stable and fixed in the wins and the losses.” He began praying all day. He prays so much that he prays every single minute he is awake. He is praying for his clients. He is praying through things. He is like a mountain. They move over time, but it is very slow. You can’t actually see it with your physical eyes. That is the character and the depth of my husband.
As he has been building his own business, he has been sought out by people across the United States. From Washington, DC, he has worked with the largest mortgage oversight companies in the nation. But he has these dreams in his heart—some things he secretly has always wanted to do. Some of our clients had asked us to come and teach them some courses. They said, “Hey, we want you to teach some courses based on what we want.” Well, for a few years, he and I wrote and developed all of these courses, and we trained our clients. We had big groups come in, and we would train them and help them obtain some continuing education.
Before all of this, in my firm, I trained new hires. I had the opportunity to teach, train, mentor, and bring them up in everything I did. It was like God had planted a seed. What I enjoyed doing at my firm, I was able to do later for a profit for our business. My husband was the same way. He was a great coach and a great teacher. Then we were teaching these classes together. It was awesome.
But deep down in his heart, he had a desire to partner his business with ministry. We didn’t really know how God even opened this door exactly. I am assuming it was just word of mouth and knowing people. But God opened the door for my husband to go teach this risk management tool he learned twenty-five years ago to Christian business leaders who are going to go out and start businesses. They are going to change the world because everyone they hire is going to be working for a firm that loves Jesus. I can’t get over how this door opened.
My husband, right now, at this very moment, is sitting at Colorado in a lodge owned by the school. He is staying there; they are feeding him and providing him a car, and they are loving on him. He teaches these students who are hungry. They are engaged, they want to learn, and they want to be great Christian business leaders. They intend to be extremely prosperous. They intend to use their money for the kingdom of God—to grow the kingdom of God. He is getting the opportunity to pour into these business-minded, sold-out followers of Jesus Christ.
I can’t get over the way my husband sought first the kingdom of God and God has added this to him—that God planted the seed years ago, and first came the blade, then the stalk, and now it feels like the full kernel. God is his Father. He is a good Father. He wants to give him the desires of his heart.
While this desire was in his heart, he didn’t make it known. God did it. It was done on the back of God. This blows my mind. I cannot get over the depth of what I understand here. I am seeing the provision of God manifest and unfold before my eyes for one of His faithful children who has been pursuing Him, seeking Him, taking the next step, and obeying and doing the next thing. He is sitting in the middle of carrying out the desire of his heart right now.
I am in awe of the good, good Father. I want you to know that is who God is. He is the God who wants to give you the desires of your heart. As you seek Him, He will add everything you desire unto you. If your desires are improper, time with Him will straighten them out. They will be according to what He has for you anyway. He is going to set you on the right path and direct your steps. He is just that awesome. Whatever you have done in the past, He is going to use it. He is going to build on it. Because a harvest is something where a seed was planted a long time ago and then the harvest comes.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude to my Father right now for providing this awesome opportunity for my husband to use his gifts in such a mighty way for the kingdom of God to be built in businesses. I just wanted to share, and I hope it encourages you.

Quake Awake

I remember hearing about earthquakes in California when I was a young girl. I made a promise I would never live in California. We lived in Oklahoma, where we had horrible weather anyway. We have tornadoes, floods—it’s crazy. One season to the next, you can’t tell what time of year you’re in. One day it could be ice and the next day tornadoes in the middle of December.

However, in the last five years, earthquakes have been on the rise in Oklahoma because of fracking, dumping, and disposing water from oil wells into our earth. It is ridiculous. It was as if California came to Oklahoma. In many cases, Oklahoma earthquakes are actually more frequent and stronger than the ones in California.
I hate it. Why do I hate it so much? It’s because the earth is so big. We are so miniscule. We are the size of a speck in comparison. When the earth shakes, it trembles. It’s scary. Fear rises up in you. It is unbelievable what it feels like for the ground to rattle beneath you and shake your home. You don’t know when it is coming. There is no warning; there is no indication. It’s just—boom. There it is. It shows up and throws you out of bed in the middle of the night. Truly, we have no control, and it’s shocking what our response can be.
As people, we like to think we have control over things. We have control over ourselves, our family, maybe our children, maybe our husband, or maybe a friend—people who listen to us. As students, we have control over our homework. We have control over so much—what we do, what we say. But we have no control when the earth shakes beneath our feet.
We have to trust in the God who is in charge. We have to seek Him out. We have to use the authority He has given us in the name of Jesus to tame this earth and bring it into our control. We have to learn our authority in this life so the temporal of this earth will submit to the eternal.
In Jesus’ name, I pray today your eyes would be open, your ears would hear, and you would step into that authority.

CLEP Co-op

This fall, I started a little CLEP Co-op.
In the past few years, I have seen my children work so hard. In fact, they worked harder than I ever did in college. They worked about as hard as I did when I was studying for the CPA exam. I started to question why we work so hard through high school. What is the purpose? What are we trying to accomplish? 

The last year my children went through the program, I really lost them to studying hours. They wanted to study through the weekend. They did everything they could to get caught up. My husband had been questioning me, “What are we doing this for?” We found that almost everyone was working towards college prep. They were prepping for college entrance exams and prepping so they would be strong in their foundation when they went to college.
A few years ago, I heard a preacher, Voddie Baucham, really challenge the idea of waiting to start college until college age. He proposed a radical idea to have children potentially graduate from high school and college at the same time. There is a mother in our hometown, Linda Newsam, who inspired me because she taught her kids college level classes and let them CLEP out of them. She was able to get them 18-20 hours before they graduated high school.
From the moment I started homeschooling, my eyes had been set on this. When Voddie Baucham spoke, it really shook me up, and I decided I was going to reach for this goal, as hard and as stretching as it may be because it’s unfamiliar territory.
Pioneers are people who do unfamiliar things and knock down doors trying to figure it out. Lots of people try to come in on the toes of pioneers, giving them ideas and telling them how to change things and make it different. But they aren’t the ones who plowed out the ground. They just got to go on the road that was paved ahead of them. It looks easy to them. It seems simple, so it’s easy to criticize. It’s easy to look in and say how you would change things. But you are not the pioneer. Sometimes you just need to be thankful for the ground ahead of you. I’m thankful to Linda. I’m thankful to Voddie.
My goodness! We are five to six weeks into our program, and I couldn’t be more thrilled with where we are, even if we were only doing it with my two children. We have a very small little co-op. I kept it small on purpose, with grace-filled mothers leading these children. I wanted to have a place to fail and an easy place to land. I didn’t want everyone’s slams, criticisms, and opinions floating through, in and out, and not giving us the grace to breathe, to move and change and make our way.
I can’t even tell you. No one’s passed an exam yet. We don’t have any successes. But I can tell you what we do have. We have children who are learning and loving. We have children who are being stretched beyond their imagination. They are learning to work hard but with a different purpose. They are doing things that would seem virtually impossible.
Right now, kids are analyzing and interpreting literature. What I have seen it do is create our children’s ability to think critically. Every leader on the planet needs to be able to think critically. They need to be able to look at something and get inside someone’s head and make proper assumptions. “What do you think they meant by this when they said it?”

I think we generally make assumptions about what people say or what we read based on email, text, or on Facebook. We make assumptions based on feelings and not based on, “Let’s get in their head. Let’s know the author of this well. Let’s really concentrate on where you think they were coming from on this.” That is what our children are learning. That is going to make them tremendous leaders in the future. I am pumped and excited.
We want you to know we are opening the doors to allow a few more students in. We are going to be cautious about who we invite and allow in because you’re going to have to have the grace to allow everyone to fail.
One thing I want to note is that whether our children pass or fail the CLEP exams, I don’t care because quitting would be the real failure. Failing isn’t missing the mark on the exam. Failing is never trying. Failing is not pushing your limits and finding your boundaries and finding where you can grow up. I just want to let you know we are pushing our kids to learn to fail and not to be afraid of failure. Our number one problem in America is that people are afraid of failing so they never try. They don’t realize that not trying is the failure.
May our kids press on and press through and fail often in Jesus’ name.

No Condemnation, yet Condemned

It’s almost impossible not to live in condemnation when the world is constantly evaluating you, correcting you, and telling you how to be better. There is a sense you need to be perfect. How many people do you know who would say, “Well, I thought you were a Christian,” because they expect that once you become a Christian, you become perfect? 

That’s not actually true. Once you become a Christian, your weaknesses are made perfect in His perfection. It means, “Hey, I’m not perfect, so I need someone to complete me.” It doesn’t mean, “I’m perfect. I’m holier than thou. I’m righteous.” It means, “I need someone’s righteousness and perfection to fill up my gap. I was a zero. I need someone to make me one hundred.” I think some people view Christians like, “Oh, well, you don’t drink, smoke, or chew, so you must be holding yourself out as perfect, trying to show me how perfect you are and judging me in the process.”

I think we need to be careful not to put people into the law, and instead we need to keep them in grace, because the law makes people want to break it. But grace makes people want to celebrate and live in freedom. How can our kids not think there is such an expectation from God to be perfect if we are constantly expecting it? When they fail, every time, they keep condemnation on themselves because they think we expect them to be perfect. 

What about your boss? I know I do this: “Can you do this with more excellence? Can you do this better? Do this with excellence as if you are serving the Lord.” But where is the work coming from? Is it coming from their heart? Is it coming as if they’re serving the Lord? Maybe it’s not perfect, maybe it’s not exactly as you wanted, but if their heart is right, that is what should matter. But our world doesn’t do this. We live in such a different age. It’s like, “Your heart was right, but your work sucks, so you’re fired.” That isn’t reflecting the love of God.

We have all these leadership talks, and I would personally put them all and say, “Let’s start being the hands and feet of Christ.” If people are quick to obey, if they give their all, if their heart is steadfast on the Lord, and if He is their master and not man, then they are worthy of their keep. They are worth keeping. They are worth investing in. You cannot replace that easily. You can always find somebody who wants to work a bit harder because their identity is in what they do.

But how can we, as men, be condemning when the Bible says there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus? It’s so confusing.

For one week, let us challenge ourselves to offer no condemnation but only encouragement. Hebrews 3:13 says, “Encourage each other daily for as long as it is today so that your hearts may not be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Let’s encourage one another and not condemn for one week. I would love to hear what happens with your family.

Communicate Clearly

I’ve had a super-busy day, trying not to feel overwhelmed or lose my peace as I run around like a crazy woman, just doing the next thing. I’m not thinking about how long the list is, but I am pressing forward as hard as I can to continue to knock out one thing after another.
As I pulled out of the church parking lot, leaving my daughter behind for a band practice today, there was a car too fast to pull in front of. It looked like he was going to go past the turnout. But no, of course, when he got closer, he decided to turn in. There was no use of a blinker. The driver of that vehicle is probably not a good communicator. I would venture to guess that his wife doesn’t really know where he is. He probably doesn’t communicate too much to anyone. He doesn’t tell people where he is going.
Whether you realize it or not, brake lights are a message. It is a voice on your car that tells someone, “Hey, we’re slowing down. Just a warning, there is a slowing-down period up here in front of you.” A blinker is an indication that says, “I am turning left, and since I’m turning in where you are pulling out of, you can pull out safely. I just want to let you know that because I care for you so much, I wanted to share that message with you.” Yes, you can communicate kindness and messages with your vehicle. You don’t have to be selfish, thinking about how and what you are doing. You can actually communicate with others.
Communication is key. When we are not communicating, it causes frustration. It opens the door to all kinds of strife. We should communicate with our families, our spouse, our friends, and coworkers. Let’s not be secretive and stay behind closed doors. Let’s open our mouths and use our voices. Let’s use our blinkers. Let’s use our body language to communicate clearly what we are actually thinking.
Think about how you communicate. Are you doing a good job? If you don’t use your blinkers, you are probably not using your voice, either.

Freedom Can Be Dangerous

I was under a strict eating plan for six months, reforming my habits and creating new ways to eat. I continued on that strict plan for an additional two months until my husband came along after me and finished his program. We did awesomely. We truly changed the way we live, the way we eat, the way we look, and the way we feel. Our entire marriage has been reignited because we are so much more unified than we were before. We were already more unified than any other couple I know before we started. It’s truly been unbelievable.
However, we have freedom now. Since July 17, 2015, we have been free from our accountability—free from someone looking over our shoulder, checking our stats and what we are eating. Honestly, we haven’t truly motivated each other in the right direction in keeping our food tight. It has been a bit hard because your body actually doesn’t want to eat healthy food. It wants to have sugar. Once you have reintroduced sugar into your diet, your body craves it. It wants it. It kicks and screams for it. Your flesh wants to reignite and turn back on.
What I have learned is that fat cells have memory, just like your muscle has memory. Your fat cells are looking for the opportunity to be fed and re-inflated. If you don’t understand that, you will give them fuel that will increase the fat percentage in your body that you worked so hard to get rid of.
Honestly, that’s where I am today. I have eaten so badly this specific weekend. I have just torn up hamburgers, sugar, and icing. We were celebrating a family birthday, and I ate everything in sight. I feel so horrible. My stomach hurts. My body has stiff joints. I’m inflamed. I can feel the inflammation in my body.
There is one line that comes to mind: Freedom is the best thing ever, but freedom is dangerous. While freedom is a giant privilege, it’s also a gigantic responsibility. When we set our kids free from our home and they are no longer under our control and watchful eye, the boundaries they have are set by themselves.
Freedom can be a dangerous weapon unless you put it under your own boundaries and self-control, unless you surrender your freedom to the one who died to set you free. I have learned that for me, freedom isn’t free. It’s not easy. It’s dangerous. It’s so tough.
I wonder if you are like me—exploiting your freedom in some way and you need to surrender to God and let Him get you back in control of those things you have exploited and lost control of. If you do, just click “Like” below, write a comment, or email me directly if you know me. I want to pray for you by your first name—I want to pray for you. I am praying for myself. I know if I struggle, you struggle. Would you let me lift you up to the Father?

I Am Rich

I am rich.

No, I don’t own the fanciest home in the world. My car is fourteen years old. But I am the wealthiest person on the planet. Not only financially, but also in peace. Peace is a bank in which you cannot accrue deposits with the accumulation of material things. The wealth I have comes in the relationship with my husband and relationships with my kids. We have true, deep, meaningful, intimate relationships. It comes in the form of relationships with my closest siblings, my closest friends, and my long-term friends with whom I have been friends for twenty to thirty years. Regardless of the time, the intimacy never waned, never shattered.
I am wealthy.
I am one of the wealthiest people I know because I walk in complete and utter understanding of the forgiveness I have obtained. I don’t live in condemnation. I don’t live in guilt. I have no more shame. Sure, I used to live in shame, defined by what was done to me and defined by the sins that I committed and the people I have hurt. It was the poorest I have ever been.
I used to hide who I was to be approved by man. Now I am rich because I do not care. I’m no longer bound by the chains of the approval of people.
I am free. I am free to choose life. I’m free to choose death.
I am filled with the Holy Spirit, who comforts me, guides me, and loves me. He helps me love myself. It was only when I began truly to love myself that I could truly love others. Before this, I loved others because of what they could do for me. When you are filled with the richest love there is, you are able to love without strings attached and to give freely without expecting anything in return.
I am the richest person I know. How about you? Are you rich, or are you poor?

Gifts and Callings

The gifts and calling of God are irrevocable. I am the same today in my spiritual gifts as when I was a small child. 

As a child, I used my gifts for my purposes. But today, I use my gifts to build up, not to tear down, to encourage and not to destroy. In fourth grade, I started a block newspaper for my neighborhood. I wanted to unify our neighborhood and help build community. I wanted people to be encouraged and to know each other and know what was going on. I also was very business-minded. I sold my newspaper for ten cents. I typed it. I was innovative—a pioneer. It had never been done before. I had paved the way for a newspaper. Interestingly enough, I ended up writing many newsletters after that.
Today I write books, speak, and share. My vision is still to see the body of Christ unified. My purposes are different. I believe in a strife-free environment. I want people to reveal love to one another, to forgive one another, to forget quickly, and not to hold grudges against one another or live in bitterness. It is a painful chain around your ankle to carry bitterness everywhere you go.
The gifts and callings are irrevocable. You have them regardless of what side of the fence you are on. You can use them for evil, and you can use them for good. Let’s say you often use your voice to complain and tear down. That same gift is called exhorting. It’s an exhortation gift. You can use that to tear down and destroy others. If you use it for God’s purposes, it’s used to redirect, to encourage, and to build up. We all know that tearing down never makes us winners. It’s the building up and encouraging that brings us to victory.
What gifts do you have that you have been using for the wrong purposes? Turn those around, shake them up, and get them right. Use them to bring good and God’s glory to this earth.

Jesus’ Name—You Have Authority

In 2003, I didn’t have a clue that Jesus’ name was literally above every other name that could be named on earth. I had no clue it was a name that had power in it or that it was for my use in my life to speak over mountains so they would be cast into the sea. I had no idea I could use it in my family’s life while praying over them or for them. I had no idea I could share it with strangers at the grocery store and see them be healed.

In 2003, I was blind. I knew there was a God who loved me, but I wasn’t convinced He was for me. I had no idea He had left me with the same power that raised Christ from the dead.

From August of 2003 until about November of 2005, I dug into the word of God daily, searching and striving, hungrily devouring every page and every word. I would be in awe of who God is, who Jesus is. Hebrews says that Jesus is the exact representation of God.

I had an idea of who God was from the Old Testament and what I had been told by my church. I had an idea of who God was. I thought He was a God who was on a throne, dictating and controlling. He was kind of our puppeteer, if you will. Yet how could He be controlling a stepdad who was abusing his daughter? How could He be controlling my behavior? How could He be willing to put me through all of that? I’ll tell you how. He wasn’t. He was not.

He is a God who is sitting on a throne and sent His Son, who loves me so much, to bail me out. He sent His Son through every temptation that I would ever walk through. He left His Son on the cross to die. When Jesus ascended to be with God, He sent His Holy Spirit to come and live inside of me. He sent a piece of Himself to live with me, inside of me. It is a deposit guaranteeing my inheritance. Once He puts it in, He is not taking it back until He returns. It’s fully mine. I have full ownership of it. It’s part of who I am. I am in Him, and He is in me.

When you look at the attributes of what comes with the Holy Spirit, you see power. It is delegated power from God. It is like the alien mother ship sent me down as an alien, part of His kingdom, to take back this world. Hello? Yes. 

He didn’t do it so I could spend every single day suffering and worrying about myself and taking care of myself. He gave me the same power that raised Christ from the dead and the name of Jesus Christ, which is a name above every other name, and the authority to use that name so I could live life to the full and share it with others. How do people know we are His disciples? They know by our love. Amazing! Oh my goodness. I had no idea. 

I was not taught in church that Jesus’ name was above every other name and God had given me the authority to use it. It’s not my name. It’s the name of Jesus. It’s what He did for us. It’s the finished work He already completed. I have it. I have the opportunity to exercise it. I can have a trial come into my face—a sickness, a doctor’s report, bills, strife, teenage rebellion—but it cannot contain me. It cannot take me.

If I pull out the weapon of Jesus, whose name is above every other name, the giant must fall. The mountain will be reduced to dust because it is just a molehill under the name of Jesus Christ. I have the power to use that. It’s true I have the power to complain. I have the power to agree with all the turmoil and all the trials that come in my direction. I also have the power to choose to stand in the name of Jesus Christ, in His name and His authority and His finished work.

I once was blind, but now I see. Scripture says it’s for lack of knowledge that we perish. I once didn’t know, but now I do know. I have the knowledge. I have the relational knowledge of knowing God intimately and deeply. I know I have access to the name of Jesus Christ, a name above every other name.

Needer Should Not Be the Leader

After my husband and I got married, we were in desperate need of godly married couples. We talked to the pastor in our church, and he said, “Since you need it, you should lead it.”
So we started a group. We didn’t truly know what we were doing, but we started a Sunday school group. We got a book, and we led every week out of that. Eventually, people left the group. We had struggles. I sought counsel and learned how to lead everyone through the different struggles we had the best I could. But I didn’t know what I was doing. Neither did my husband.
During that time, because I was studying the Bible at a different Bible study somewhere else, the love of Jesus struck me in the heart, and suddenly I understood my need for Him more than ever. I understood how to have Him in every part and every area of my life, every day. I started to bring this truth to the group, but nobody could even understand it. It was incomprehensible to them. All of a sudden, I was wacko. It was crazy.
But I know so many people who need to belong or need to be free from something, so they start a group. They become a leader and try to lead people into freedom when they are not free themselves. My theory is the needer should never be the leader. If you have the need, you probably should not lead. You need a leader.

I think it’s interesting that broke people try to lead broke people into financial freedom. Poor and addicted people try to lead poor and addicted people into freedom. If you don’t know how to be free and you haven’t had any sustainability, can you honestly teach someone else how to be free?

Many times, people get together and talk about their problems. They talk about their desires, and they talk about why they do it. But the Bible never says discussing your problem will set you free. It says the truth will set you free—the truth and the truth only.

If you have to pick up a book to lead someone through it, to help them break free, or to help them grow, then are you truly the right person to lead that group? If you can’t lead it straight out of the truth—the Word of God—from your own walk and your own testimony that you have gone ahead of them, then are you the right person to lead someone else into the authentic freedom of Jesus Christ? Are you the one who should be leading?

I believe the needer should not be the leader. If you have a need, find someone who has walked through the fire, has a testimony, and has paved the way for you. Maybe they are a pioneer. Ask them for help. Consider having them start a group to help you so you can experience the freedom they have.