Monday, April 11, 2016

Confession—I Didn’t Listen to My Husband

Why do some wives (ahem, me) have trouble taking workout counsel from their husbands? To me it feels like criticism, like Im not good enough as I am. I end up rebelling and not taking care of myself until I know Im loved just the way I am. 

Not anymore. I decided Im worth it for myself. In the journey, I realized what an idiot I had been. I wrote this transparent letter to the love of my life after I realized how stubborn and foolish I had been for not listening to this man for years. 

Ty,

I’m ashamed of myself for not listening to you earlier. Years ago, you told me, “Hey, if you do some cross training with your running, your running will grow faster and stronger, and everything will be better.” 

I believe I was so insecure and afraid you thought I wasn’t skinny enough, pretty enough, or in shape that I couldn’t receive your suggestions or constructive criticism. 

Instead, I built a wall. 

I wouldn’t listen to your unsolicited advice about my body or anything related to it. 

I think it’s because I knew I wasn’t in good shape and I wasn’t happy with myself—and if I wasn’t, how could you possibly be? You men are so wired in the physical attraction direction anyway. If I wasn’t happy with me, I concluded that your suggestions were against me, too. 

Every single little comment you made about how I should do this or that speared what I already knew to be true. It pierced the insecurity I was already treading lightly around every single day of my life.

I think about the number of years you’ve tried to get me to listen to you or accept your help. A long time ago, we did Body for Life. In 2005 and again in 2009, we completed P90X. We did that together, but even though I did it, I never fully surrendered control of my body and diet. I would work out for a while but never completely commit to it and revamp my ways.

I think if only I would have humbled myself and listened to you a long time ago, it wouldn’t be such a fight right now. What I’m doing at my age is really hard. Today, when we are at a gym, there’s a guy off to the side about 65 or 70, and he’s lifting a ten-pound weight and doing this little lean over thing. Do you feel that over here? He’s just now entering where we are today.

We could have taken back our health a long time ago if I would have humbled myself, but instead we floundered for years. We let it go and called it a party; we had all that fun life together. I’m ashamed that I didn’t listen to you because I ended up leading us into rebellion, gluttony, and sheer laziness with our temple. 

I don’t think we’re gluttonous or lazy in any other area of our lives. We work really hard, but I think I ended up leading us because I was unwilling to submit when it came to my temple. With all that is in me, I submit my will to following you in every area of our lives. Will you forgive me for my pride and insecurity regarding my temple care? Will you forgive me for assuming you were only being critical? I commit to assuming the best about your comments, suggestions, and leading in this area. 

I am your wife, and I want to be the best me—fit for life! I don’t want to be a woman who always needs you to care for me. I want us to help one another. I am so sorry for failing us by not following you well. I love, love, love you! I praise God for you. 

Will you forgive me?

Love, 
Sheri

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